Moonlight

Moonlight

Moonlight graces me every night with her beauty, but she finds me alone, never satisfied, never comforted.  The coldness here is so crippling, chilling to the bone. The fire before me is doused, but I am too weak to light it again. I just sit there with a blank stare, waiting for her.

I ask her faintly “How long must this continue, have I not suffered enough?”
She smiles warmly and the cold fingers around my bed weaken their hold. The loud hissing of melted ice fills the darkened chamber. “You shall remain as you are, until you manage to light this fire alone”

I laugh with a grim note at her, but quickly stop. She still smiles and I feel guilt to laugh at such a pure entity. When I speak again my voice is barely heard “How, Your grace, I cannot do this alone? Can you not see I am broken; the years of coldness have shattered my spirit. I cannot feel warmth, nor can I inspire it around me.  I can only feel the cold, ever eternal, ever present”.
Her smile, so beautiful, yet so distant, she cannot interfere, it is not her right, the ethereal spirits must never intervene. But she sits there still; she always is there, the last bastion of light in a dark and forsaken world. Once in a full moon she appears in her full strength, then the coldness disappears. This was such a night.

She spoke, her words so soft and gentle, like music “I must leave now, but fear not, the cold will not have power much longer over your soul. No matter how cold and distant the world seems, at the end it always sets the stage right, so the actors can take their appropriate places with a smile and a burning heart. You must be such an actor; you must learn to play even the lowliest of roles with dignity, courage and hope. But also never forget, as you grow and learn there will always be hope for a better role, suited for a strong spirit. Stray from your given path and suffer resentment… The power is in you and the others around you, that is the truth”.
She smiled again, so warmly, so calmly that I closed my eyes. Her words echo with might in my ears and I hear them to be true. When I opened them the gentle Moonlight had left. The icy fingers started scratching again at me and… I gave in…

Weak I am; this is something beyond me…

Still… I did not forget Moonlight’s words. They howled, stronger than the piercing winds that reside here. Why did I fall in this predicament? How did I fall in this chilled cavern, where darkness reigns and my only company are these icy fingers reaching for what is left of my heart? Was it my fault, was it anyone’s fault? Wish that I could blame it on someone, but what would the point be? I am still cold and still alone; forever and ever...

More time passed- days turned to weeks. I did much thinking and soon I realized: this was not enough. I would also need to feel. If I was to ignite the flame I would have to feel its power, I would have to become one with the flame and the world. Sense its pulse, touch it even.
This month Moonlight did not grace me with her presence. The moment I am always hoping for did not come. What is this that I feel inside? Something beside the emptiness… And I realized; I was feeling sorrow. Almighty heavens this pain is even worse than the cold that always surrounds me.

Beautiful Moonlight, return to me, shine in my heart again, give me hope…
She was gone, probably never to return. I knew I could not live like this. I crawled from the covers and the icy fingers started scratching at me again…

No more!

With a huge force I knocked them back. The hissing became stronger it pierced my head, telling me to return. I hesitated… stopped… shook my head and ignored the threats, I would be a slave to the voices no more!

If I am to be a pathetic wretch who would die just to see a moonbeam, so be it. But I will stand idle no longer. I grabbed the wall of my icy pit but the cold was too great. I could never escape from here. The realization slapped me with its chilled fingers. The icy fingers surrounded me again, determined to return me to my place. The sorrow overwhelmed me, I felt something warm on my cheek. A tear, a single, warm tear. I brushed it on my finger and stared at it. It glistened, even though there was no light in here. But I created this, it felt warm and yet, unlike Moonlight, a part of me. If I feel sorrow, that means I can feel. Small a gem as it is, I can hold on to it.

Then I remembered the fire. The long forgotten fire that could not burn.

I ignored the fingers that started tearing at my skin and kneeled at the fire. The tear was still on my finger and I looked at it again. I smiled and shook my finger. The tear fell on the fire.
The fire illuminated in a flash. A bright blue, so warm, so bright. I could feel it in my soul. I felt so warm and for the first time in so many years I was happy. I closed my eyes and in the darkness I saw a familiar smile…

Another month rolled by and Moonlight returned after her long trip, to visit her old friend.
She flew by his grim pit but something was wrong, she could not feel him. She looked down…
Oh, how she did cry when she saw her friend, cuddled up close to the fire that could not burn, died from the cold. But on his face, a smile lies. In his last moments he had remembered his only companion, his only joy- Moonlight.

PS: Аз вече не съм затворник тук. Духът ми лети на свобода.
      Тъмен и тягостен студ,
      светлина свети отвъд решетките.
      Виждам светлина в своята килия,
      Дошла да стопли сърцето ми наново.
      Ослепяващи златни очи, аз съм незабравен, прекрасна!