The Idiot Boy

            There once lived a simple boy, born from a simple family. From a very young age, he felt special. He had no idea how – he was too small to tell. So he wanted to experiment, to always try something new and interesting. New and interesting rarely wins friends though, unless properly used, so he was alone. The other kids didn’t understand him and he didn’t understand them, so they rarely engaged each other. The boy didn’t mind at first. The boy stayed in his room, playing with the company of himself. He imagined wild fairytales and played adventurous heroes in every game and every day. He was happy to be alone. He was happy to imagine.

            Time passed by him, enveloping him in a cocoon of fantasies and dreams. It’s really hard to make the real world interesting when you just need to let loose your mind like a floodgate and with a divine wrath drown the gray everyday with the rainbow colors of a child’s mind. Soon, however, reality collided with him. Others didn’t accept his reckless spree of games. They wanted to force him out, make him adapt to the ways of the world. The boy didn’t budge – he wasn’t impressed. He didn’t wat to be like “the others” whoever they are. In truth, he wanted to stay in his realm, where he was king and no one could challenge and defeat him. Unlike the real world where no one is king and a person can fail and fall any day, every day.

            He started noticing things, as he grew older. His own beliefs came crashing down faster than he could rebuild them. Relationships that took years to flourish, were broken in a moment’s notice. A wrong word at a wrong time, unwanted emotions pushed away, simple mistakes, born from a simplistic mind. The boy rarely minded the mistakes in others, he was easy to forgive anything. Being a child of fantasy, he wanted to have plenty of friends and love everyone. Ironically he barely cared about that before, when he cared only about the solitude of his own imagination. Now he couldn’t get through a day without speaking to someone. “The others” had won. They broke him as they saw fit. Only he didn’t notice. And the mistakes piled up. Broken relationships ached, mental pains left scars.

            All of this confused the boy. Nothing he’d do would make things better. The world just became too complicated and he couldn’t keep up. He never could keep up. He’d catch on to what he must do, years after it was too late… and it was too late. Where once he just wanted to be alone and at peace, now something, he noticed, had changed. Reality had told him that he must get along with others, be friendly and communicative, so he can continue his life in happiness and with success. Reality wouldn’t lie to a boy who doesn’t know any better, would it?

            But no – it didn’t work. The boy kept making severe mistakes everywhere. The harder he tried to be understood and fit in, the more he felt rejected and hated.

            One friend would accuse him of being too emotional. Another would say he’s redundant. A third would leave him when he needed him most. The boy just thought to himself that this is normal and part of life. It was only natural that he’d learn from his mistakes and meet new friends, while the old ones saw him better with time.

            To no avail…

            Even worse, he could tell the mistakes are similar, but couldn’t find the pattern, to learn from it. When all seemed hopeless he would blame himself. He started hating himself. His own company was unwelcome now. All because he couldn’t understand how to communicate.

            He had a habit of throwing glances at himself every day. One time fixed his eyes on his visage a little longer. In that boy I recognized myself. His eyes filled with tears and he wept. But what can an idiot boy do with himself?

            So begins another day…

Посветено на А.И.